


Troubled youth

by sunnylil



Category: Shameless (US), The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bipolar Disorder, Crossover, Foster Care, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-04 11:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14592138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnylil/pseuds/sunnylil
Summary: What if Sammi called DCFS instead of the MP?What if Ian is placed in a group home for youth with complex needs run by Stef and Lena Adams-Foster?This starts the morning after Ian`s and Mickey`s "first date", in a world where it actually happened and Sammi didn`t call the MPs. She did, however, call DCFS and Ian is placed in a group home. He wants to leave it as soon as possible but what if they are right and he needs more support than Fiona is able to give?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This just happened and it combines my two favorite shows.  
> I`m not a native speaker, so be nice ;)  
> Kudos and comments appreciated!

„A fucking restaurant. Still can`t believe you made me do that. You owe me, Gallagher.“

  
Ian turns his head to face Mickey who`s grimly staring at the ceiling of the Gallagher boys` bedroom.

  
„Didn`t force you to do anything. You`re a free man, could`ve said no.“ He smiles. „But it was kinda nice, wasn`t it?“

  
Mickey eyes him.

  
„You have a weird definition of nice. Sitting in a crowd full of rich-ass people who think they`re better isn`t nice, it`s fucking infuriating.“

  
„We went to a fucking diner, Mickey. They weren`t rich.“

  
But the people there weren`t poor either and it was a slightly fancier diner than Patsy`s, so Ian get’s his point.

  
„Whatever,“ Mickey growls and gets up. „You going to get up or …?“

  
Ian sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. His shift at Patsy`s starts in less than an hour and he can`t think of anything more boring than collecting and washing dishes for hours, not to mention the medicine induced fog that was back as soon as he opened his eyes this morning and realized that he`s sobered up. For a split second he considers getting drunk before leaving the house. It wouldn`t take much and it may make things less gray but he doesn`t want to end up like Frank. It`s bad enough that everyone seems to think his diagnosis automatically turns him into Monica. He isn`t his mother. He`s still himself and fucking things up again and again wouldn`t help to convince his siblings that that`s the case.

  
Mickey`s still standing in front of his bed, waiting for an answer so he gets up, grabs Mickey`s shirt and presses a kiss on his lips, before leaving the room and heading tot he shower.

  
Fiona`s standing in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a mug and her eyes flicker up nervously as Ian walks down the stairs.

„Morning“, he yawns.

  
Mickey already left, looking fo work as he said and Ian just hopes that he won`t get caught doing whatever he does.

  
Fiona`s voice is coarse. „Morning.“

  
There`s a woman sitting at their kitchen table. A woman in a costum with a clip board in front of her. Ian frowns, looks at his sister as his stomach turns. People in fancy clothes don`t belong here and if they have a clipboard with them that`s bad news nine times out of ten.

The woman gets up and shakes Ian`s hand.

„My name is Suzie Carlisle. You must be Ian, the second oldest brother. I`m from DFCS.“

His first thought is RUN but he can`t move.

Suzie sits back down and Fiona places a mug in front of her.

„As I already told your sister, we got a call from someone expressing their concerns. The caller worries about the wellbeing of you and your younger siblings, Debbie and Liam. With Carl being in a youth correctional facility and your sisters criminal record we have doubts that this household is the fitting environment for you.“

Ian swallows hard still not sure about what the fuck is actually going on. Someone called DFCS on them – and they want to take them again despite Fiona being their guardian and shit? Didn`t she become their guardian so that wouldn`t happen anymore? And isnt`t he to old for the system?

The woman looks at her paperwork.

„I gather that you were recently diagnosed bipolar and that you don`t attend school at the moment?“

„I work.“

„I see.“ She scribbles something down.

„So what`s the plan? Are you going to monitor us and make surprise visits and stuff to make sure that this actually is a good environment?“ Fiona looks so lost.

„The thing is, Miss Gallagher, that we have reports from Deborah`s teachers that she showed some violent behavior at school in the last few months.“

Where is Debbie anyway? Why is she talking about her while his sister is at school?

„And adding things up,“ Suzie continues, „we don`t think that you are able to cope at the moment. I think that you are unfit to care for your siblings at the moment and the various challenges they have.“

Fiona gasps.

„No! I`m sober, I didn`t break my parole, I keep attending those bull- sorry, the NA meetings. Why would you say that?“

Ian just stares at the two women. That`s not really happening, is it?

„Please, calm down. We are going to schedule a meeting in the next few days working out what you can do to take better care of them. I`m thinking of a parenting group for raising teenagers, maybe a support group for guardians of mentally ill youth.“

Ian feels a sting. Mentally ill, that`s him.

„Your siblings need stability which they apparently don`t have. Until we worked out a plan and until we think you can handle it, Deborah, Liam, and Ian are going to be placed into foster care.“

* * *

  
Mrs. Carlisle gives them half an hour. 30 minutes to pack his bags. 30 minutes to realize what just happened. She is going to pick up Debbie from school in this time and maybe he should just run away. But that would probably just cause more trouble than help any of them.  
Fiona follows him into the bedroom to collect some of Liam`s clothes and toys. She cries and keeps apologizing and Ian keeps reassuring her that it isn`t her fault. Mostly it`s his, for being a fuck-up, for kidnapping Yev and for not helping Fiona enough. With Lip being away at college he`s the one who should have helped Fiona, he should`ve talked to Debbie to find out why she`s lashing out.

  
„Don`t be stupid. You are in no condition to do this and I didn`t expect any of it.“

  
Fiona hugs him tightly. But Ian fills in the gaps. _I stopped expecting stuff like this from Monica so I never even started expecting it from you after you came back._ He hopes it`s just his mind playing tricks on him, Fiona would never say that but the thought lingers.

Debbie burts into the living room crying and screaming twenty minutes later, followed by a not-happy looking Mrs. Carlisle.  
Ian keeps up stairs, his phone in his hand. He needs to call Mickey, tell him what happened but he can`t say it out loud.

„What`s up Firecrotch?“

He wants to turn back time to yesterday. They could have run away.

  
„Someone called DFCS on us.“

  
That`s all it need to send Mickey into a long stream of cussing.

„Listen, I don`t have much time. But they say it won`t be for long. I`m eighteen in a few months anyway and Fiona will do anything do get me out. If I`m not allowed to keep my phone-“

„You`re still gonna go to work. They let you work most of the time. They let you work last time.“

He can almost hear Mickey tense up as they both remember what happened last time Ian and his siblings were in foster care. They never really talked about it and probably never will and it`s a weird moment to bring it up.

„Right. So we`re gonna meet at Patsy`s tomorrow afternoon.“

„It`s gonna be allright. I`m gonna break you out if I have to.“

It sounds like Ian`s going to prison, but remembering the last group home he was placed in, this might not be so much different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I got you a place at a group home for youth with complex needs. It`s run by a couple, Stef and Lena and they`re really nice. There are currently five other residents between the age of fourteen and eighteen and they are all nice people. I think you are going to like it there.“
> 
> Ian arrives at the group home.

Mrs. Carlisle drops Debbie and Liam off first. They are placed together and from what Ian can see the house they`re gonna live in at least isn`t worse than any Southside shack.

Debbie`s still crying angry tears when she hugs Ian good-bye.

„I thought this would never happen again. Whoever snitched, I`m gonna kill them.“

Ian presses a kiss to her forehead.

„Fiona`s going to get us out in no time. Maybe two days. You`re going to survive two days, right? Take good care of Liam.“

Liam hasn`t said a word since they left Fiona at the house and hasn`t let go of Debbie`s hand. At least they`re placed together. Not like last time, when Debbie had to fight that bitch of on her own. Ian really hopes that this time it won`t be some kind of jewellery factory and more tolerable. It breaks his heart to leave his siblings behind when Mrs. Carlisle starts the engine again.

„I got you a place at a group home for youth with complex needs. It`s run by a couple, Stef and Lena and they`re really nice. There are currently five other residents between the age of fourteen and eighteen and they are all nice people. I think you are going to like it there.“

How can she think that he is able to like any other place than the southside? He was just ripped apart from his siblings, they could be the nicest people in America he still wouldn`t care.

It`s just for a few days. He keeps repeating this sentence in his head while Mrs. Carlisle is parking the car in front of a two-story house.

Two women are waiting for him on the porch, both smiling. The blonde one steps forward and shakes his hand.

“Nice to meet you Ian. I`m Stef, this is my wife Lena. Come in. The rest is still in school but it`s probably better if you have some time to yourself to adjust.“

He follows them into the living room and drops his bag next to one of the sofas. Mrs Carlisle sits down, the clipboard on her lap.

„We need to discuss some rules to make this arrangement as smoothly as possible. Ian is currently working at _Patsy`s Pies_ and dropped out of school without an GED. While you`re living here, you are still going to work and if this placement turns out to be more permanent we can talk about attending school.“

“It won`t,“ Ian interjects, “You said you want to make sure that Fiona is able to cope and that you want to help her. That shouldn`t take too long, should it?”

“That`s true, Ian. But we`re are aware that you are in more need of stability and care than your siblings and we`re taking that into account.”

What the fuck? What did he miss?

“So that`s just another form of psych ward or what? There`s a fucking reason why I don`t want to be hospitalized and now you`re saying that I kinda am? I`ve been there, they let me go home so what are you talking about?”

He feels a shadow of anger rising inside of him. It`s far from actually being angry, more like a hint but at least it`s something.

“No, that`s not what she means,” Stef`s wife, Lena, says, “This is in no means a psych ward. Neither Stef nor I are psychiatrists. However, we are trained in taking care of people with mental illness and have experience, I´m also a trained social worker. It takes time to learn to live with a mental illness, it takes time to adjust meds. That can be very stressful, for everyone and we are talking about the possibility to support your sister in this time by taking the main responsibility of her shoulders.”

“I´m not a child that needs to be taken care of. I won`t slit my wrists over thanksgiving dinner or blow all the money we own in one afternoon. I`m not Monica.”

He doesn`t yell at them, doesn`t even raise his voice.

The glance at each other and Ian shifts uncomfortable. It`s like they communicate without words and he`s left out.

“We are not saying that you are a child, Ian. Stef and Lena are here to offer support. You told me that you`ve been medicated for a week and it`s going to take time until the medication starts working, if it`s the right dosage.”

“We aren`t here to judge you,” Lena adds, “It`s a very stressful situation, with or without diagnosis. Our main goal right now is to give you as much support as you need while the situation is sorted out. That may be a bit more until your medication is working. We didn`t mean to make it look like we think that you can`t take of yourself. Just that we are aware that you are going through this while figuring out how to life with your diagnosis. That`s all.”

“Do you want to see your room? We will go over the rules later, after diner, okay? Mrs. Carlisle is going to drop by within the next days to see how you`re doing.”

Stef smiles at him and gets up so he takes his bag and follows her up the stairs.

“You are going to share a room with Brandon. He`s already eighteen but since he`s still in school he still living here. He`s the oldest. The room across the hall is Jesus` and Jude`s and the room next to that belongs to the girls Callie and Mariana. There`s the bathroom. You see this schedule? You`ll need to figure out with the others when you are going to shower.”

Stef looks at him, waiting for a reaction.

He shrugs.

“I grew up with five siblings so that`s nothing new.”

The room he`s going to sleep him is all right. There are posters of different bands hanging above one bed, the other one is neatly made and the wall is empty, so that have to be his bed.

“Do you have to take any meds before diner? I will put them into a locked cabinet in the kitchen that`s only opened under supervision, so if you give me your meds I can lock them away.”

Ian does as told and waits anxiously to be told to give her his phone but she doesn`t.

“Brandon will be home half past five so you have about an hour to yourself. Lena and I are down stairs if you need anything.”

As soon as he hears her footsteps on the stairs he pulls out his phone and texts Mickey.

_At a fucking group home for youth with COMPLEX NEEDS. Bet it`s a disguised psych ward._

But so far no one has told him that he`s not allowed to leave the house. he didn`t feel much during the last few hours but that`s not exactly news. His hand is still bandaged from the time he burnt himself and Ian looks around the room to find something sharp like a scissor but he doesn`t see anything. So he sits down on the floor instead, back against the bed and bits his lip until he tastes blood. They said it needs time until the meds are adjusted but what if that`s the way he`s going to feel forever? It`s better than the low he had after Yevgeny`s christening but it doesn`t feel like he`s actually alive.

He texts Fiona but she says that there are no news. The meeting with her social worker is tomorrow and there won`t be any change to the situation until the 72-hour hearing. Ian knows how long 72-hours can be and it`s this moment that breaks him and lets the tears slowly drop down his face.

It`s all his fault. If he hadn`t come back Fiona wouldn`t had to deal with it. He should have stayed in this abandoned house, working at the club. It would have been better for anyone.

* * *

 

He doesn`t meet the other residents until dinner, when they all sit around a big wooden table. They are loud, talking all at the same time but if anything, it makes Ian feel slightly like he`s back home.

They talk about school projects and bitchy teachers and friends and Ian figures out that they all attend the same school. Mariana and Jesus are twins and Callie and Jude are also siblings and it makes him miss his siblings more. He really hopes Debbs and Liam are doing okay.

It`s not that different from a meal at the Gallagher house, without the money and scams talk obviously, at least not until Stef starts to talk about therapy and doctor`s appointments. Ian doesn`t say much, he mostly listens. But he`s not the only one. Jude, the youngest, hasn`t said a single word all evening.

“Meds time”, Stef exclaims after everyone dumped their dishes in the sink. Half of them doesn`t bother and leaves the kitchen but Jesus, Jude, and Mariana stay behind and Stef fills their and Ian`s cups with water before she opens the medicine cabinet. It feels weird not to be the only one who has to swallow a pill and it also feels weird that Mariana and Jesus don`t even stop gossiping about one of their teachers. They don`t loathe the act. They just swallow their pills and then they go upstairs to join the rest and Ian looks after them. Stef doesn`t check on any of them, not like the nurses at the psych ward.  She trusts them. Him.

After everyone else left, Stef and Lena talk to him about the rules. At first it`s normal parent-rules like no phones at the dinner table and curfew at seven and _We have to know where you are at all times._ But then there`s also the locked medicine cabinet and the fact that he has to say something if he has urges to harm himself and they are going to make random check-ins at night if they feel like he`s at risk to make sure he`s okay.

“What about visitors?”

“Of course you can bring friends over! But until we know that we can trust you only supervised visits are allowed.”

The fuck.

Lena, sensing his resentment, adds: “We need to minimize the risks for drug-abuse, Ian. That`s the reason for that.”

Mickey is never going to agree to a supervised visit, at least not to a visit with as much as a kiss. Fucking brilliant.

“You have to work tomorrow, so I am going to drive you there and pick you up after, all right? Any questions?”

“Why didn`t you take in my siblings? The others all have their siblings with them.”

“We only have six beds, there wasn`t enough room to foster one kid more. I get that it must be hard to be apart from your family but they can visit anytime you want. And I can also drive you to visit them.”

It`s past eight and Stef suggests that he should go back upstairs and get to know Brandon before lights out at half past nine. Ian goes back to the bedroom, but he doesn`t talk to Brandon who sits on his bed reading. Why should he bother getting to know anyone if he`s gone in a few days?


	3. Chapter 3

“So what are they like? They rich? ”

Mickey is leaning against the front window of Patsy`s, smoking. Ian told Lena he gets off work half an hour later than he actually does so he would have time to talk to Mick.

“Kinda okay, actually? Dunno. It`s different than last time. It`s not a high security jail-like thing or some shit. It`s endurable for another 48 hours.”

He sees Fiona running from table to table indoors, flirting with Sean in between. She hugged Ian when he came in a few hours ago, telling him she`s doing what she can do get him and Debbie and Liam back. For the first time since he left the psych ward, she didn`t ask him about taking meds. For the first time since his diagnosis, him being bipolar wasn´t all that seemed to be on her mind. Maybe that`s what they meant when they said that they would take the main responsibility off her shoulders.

“They said you could visit anytime.”

Mickey raises his brows and Ian hastily adds:

“Anyone can visit. I didn`t – They`re lesbians by the way.”

“Like I give a fuck?”

It`s not like Ian minds if Mickey doesn`t visit him in the next two days. But what if it`s not a matter of two days? Showing affection still isn`t Mickey`s favourite thing to do. If they`re inside one of their houses he initiates a kiss every now and then, but as soon as someone else than their family members (or Kev/Vi but they`re pretty much family) could see them that`s off the charts. Ian misses his touch already, after one night of sleeping alone. After Mickey`s dramatic coming out the Milkovich boy increased the way he showed affection one touch at a time and Ian even woke up to Mickey holding his hand sometimes. But Mickey would rather jump off a bridge than kiss him in front of a bunch of people he doesn`t know even if Stef and Lena are openly gay. On the other hand – Fiona told him that Mickey told the staff at the psych ward that they`re boyfriends.

Ian looks at his boyfriend, trying to find out if his attitude´s changed and he`d actually show affection in front of somewhat-strangers.

“The fuck you looking at?”

“Never mind.”

And then, catching Ian completely off-guard, he squeezes his hand. Guess there`s his answer.

Maybe Mickey`s trying to find the balance between caring for him without pissing him of by acting like a caretaker. He didn`t ask him about his meds either.

“You feeling all right? Despite all the shit going down?”

“Still not feeling anything, Mick. Those pills aren`t working. They are just making me numb-“

“Maybe we should get back to that doctor. Didn`t they say that it takes some time? You`ve been on those meds for about a week-“

“Just stop. It`s none of your business, actually.”

It`s just so weird that the boy who didn`t even kiss him for months suddenly cares about all this stuff.

Mickey rolls his eyes.

“Calm down, tough guy.“

“Hello Ian. You ready?”

Mickey lets go of his hand like he burnt himself, when Lena approaches them.

“Yeah. Sure.”

Ian turns back to Mickey and he wants to kiss him good-bye so badly but everything Mickey radiates is resistance and _Don`t you dare_.

“That`s Lena, Mickey. She`s – you know.”

“Nice to meet you!”

Lena wants to shake his hand but Mickey just glares her down without saying a word.

“So, uh, bye. See you at the hearing?”

Mickey nods, still not showing any sign that he`s going to give him a proper good-bye.

 

* * *

 

 

They already ate dinner so Lena heats up a plate of lasagne. The older girl, Callie, is also sitting at the kitchen table, working on her laptop. There is shouting upstairs and Lena excuses herself, leaving them alone.

“That`s just Jesus and Brandon fighting. You`ll get used to it,” Callie explains without looking at Ian.

“What`s their deal?”

“I think they don`t even know that. Jesus had a TBI a few months ago and since then he has anger-management issues. And a lot of other stuff but whatever. Somehow he always picks a fight with Brandon and they shout at each other at least twice a week. I think Jesus doesn`t want to be treated like he`s broken or something and all Brandon seems to talk about with him his how he could help him. I would be angry too if I were Jesus.”

The voices upstairs calm down and Stef comes into the kitchen, asking Ian how his day went.

What does she care?

Ian shrugs.

“The hearing has been scheduled for Friday morning. I talked to Mrs Carlisle today, asking for the address where your siblings where placed. I`m afraid there isn`t enough time to schedule a visit before the hearing, but I have a phone number. You can call them after you finished eating, if you want to.”

Of course he does. After Stef gave him his meds she gives him the phone and a piece of paper where she scribbled down the number. He heads out, so no one can listen to the conversation.

A grumpy man answers the phone but he doesn`t protest when he asks to speak to Debbie.

“Debbs! How are you doing? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah we`re okay. We have to do a lot of chores but they feed us. No hitting or something. So it could be worse.”

Ian`s heart stings. His sister shouldn`t have other foster homes to compare to.

“How`s Liam?”

“He asks for Fiona a lot. She visited today and brought some books and stuff. You wanna talk to him?”

He talks to his youngest brother for less than a minute before the grumpy man interrupts them and tells Ian that the phone time is over. Without getting a chance to say goodbye the call disconnects.

They`re okay. That`s what counts.

Ian takes his cell phone and dials Mickey`s number. He doesn`t want to call him with the group home phone.

“What`s up? Something happened?”

“No, I`m fine. Just want to let you know that the hearing`s been scheduled for Friday, eleven thirty. See you there?”

“Yeah. Could have just texted that, Gallagher.”

He doesn`t tell Mickey that he wanted to hear his voice. He`s alone in a house full of strangers and it`s frightening, not to mention that there is stuff in his body that`s changing how he feels and he`s supposed to take this stuff for a very long time and no one ever said that it`s okay to be scared.

“I miss you.”

“You saw me like two hours ago, Ian. The fuck you talking about?”

And then he does tell him, kind of.

“What if I have to stay here, Mickey? What if Fiona`s going to lose?”

“That`s not going to happen. Like I said, I`ll break you out if I have to.”

And maybe that`s enough of a promise for now.

Ian doesn`t go back indoors right away. It`s Lena who stirs him up but she smiles and sits down next to him.

“How are you feeling?”

He looks at her and wants to give a meaningless answer but then he blurts out:

“Confused, mostly. If I feel anything at all, I feel confused and lost and shit. But the lithium makes me feel numb, most of the time.”

“It takes time until the meds start to kick in but when they do this feeling will start to wear of and you`ll start to feel like yourself again, at least most of the time. Have you ever considered getting therapy?”

Ian shakes his head. Gallaghers don`t do therapy. But does he really want to be like Frank and Monica? Doesn`t he want to prove anyone that he isn`t like his mom?

“It can help to make you feel less confused. We have group therapy twice a week, tomorrow is the next meeting. You can join if you want to, just to get a feeling.”

Lena waits for a response but there is none so she adds:

“There`s hope, you know. You won`t keep feeling this awful and if you have the right medication you could take your GED and look for another job.”

“And maybe they will stop treating me like I could kill myself any second.”

He didn`t want to say this out loud but it really bugs him that Mickey seems to care more about his disease than himself. If what Lena says is true he may treat him like an actual person again.

“It`s important to talk about these kind of things. Your siblings care about you and they are probably as scared as you are. You need to talk to each other to figure this out together. You could go to a counsellor together.”

Ian almost laughs. That`s never going to happen.

“What if the meds change me? Like, who I am? What if they turn me into a different person? They turned me into a zombie already.”

“You won`t know if that`s going to happen if you don`t try, will you?”

Lena smiles at him and Ian isn`t sure if he wants to believe her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support! It means the world!


	4. Chapter 4

Ian doesn`t join group therapy the next day. He never opened up easily and is still not sure what happened with Lena yesterday. But it made feel him a tiny bit better. That`s still no reason to listen to the problems of a bunch of strangers, not to mention talk about his own. He somehow manages to get through another day at the group home without breaking down. The anxiousness about the hearing gets stronger and it feels shitty but maybe that means his medication kicks in because he does feel _something_ at least.

Stef takes her morning off to drive him to the court house on Friday. Lip and Fiona are waiting at the front door and Ian hugs both of them. He hasn`t seen Lip since Carl`s hearing and their conversation afterwards.

“You okay?”

Ian just nods. His heart skips a beat when he sees Mickey approaching their group. That hasn`t happened in days and he`s actually able to smile when Mickey pulls him into a hug.

“Stop looking so fucking worried. It`s going to be fine.”

“I wouldn`t be so sure of that.”

Mickey and Ian both jump when they hear the voice, twirling around. Sammi is standing a few feet away from them.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Fiona looks like she`s ready to wrestle her down any given moment.

“Oh I wouldn`t miss this for anything. I want to see your face when they take away your loved ones. Just the way you did with my Chuckie.”

“What the fuck,” Lip roars, lunging forward.

But Stef steps in front of Sammi before any of them can reach her.

“I think it`s better if we go inside, now. The hearing`s about to start anyway.”

Debbie and Liam are waiting for them in the corridor, as well as Kev and Vi. There are a lot of tears before they all go into the courtroom and the judge comes out of his chamber.

* * *

 

They lost.

_Debbie, Liam and Ian Gallagher will remain in foster care until further notice. There will be a Jurisdictional hearing within the next two weeks._

Fiona doesn`t say a word, tears dripping down her face. It´s Lip who`s trying to see the silver lining.

“Two weeks until you can come back home. We`re gonna visit you and make sure that it`s going to work out, all right? No need to worry. We got this.”

Mrs. Carlisle takes Liam and Debbie back to their foster home, while Stef is waiting for Ian.

“Could you give us a minute?”

“Sure. I`ll wait by the car.”

“So you want me to get you tonight?” Mickey waits until Stef is out of earshot.

Ian shakes his head.

“How`s that going to help anyone? It`ll only make things worse.”

“You want me to kill Sammi?”

“Don`t do anything stupid, please.”

“That`s not stupid, that`s what this bitch deserves.”

“Mickey!”

“All right,” he growls, “You didn`t tell me that one of the lesbos is a cop.”

Ian shrugs.

“So what now? You just expect me to sit around and wait til they make a decision?”

“Do we have a choice?”

“Like I said, killing Sammi seems like a good choice to me.”

“Fucking hell it`s not like I got hauled off to prison or something. It could be much worse. And killing Sammi – I think we had our fair share of you being behind bars, don`t you think?”

“Only if I get caught.”

It costs a lot of willpower to refrain from punching Mickey.

“Just don`t! You could visit me there instead of plotting her murder.”

Mickey has no snarky comeback for that.

“Would you do that?”

Mickey sighs, but then he nods.

Ian whispers a “thank you” and pulls him into a hug.

“I`d love to have a few days without shit going down,” Mickey mumbles into his ear.

“Just two weeks. Then it`s over. Then I`ll be back.”

 

* * *

 

He`s still sleeping a lot and it`s Brandon who`s waking him up a few hours after the hearing. For a second Ian doesn`t know where he is but then the sinking feeling in his stomach comes back and he wishes he could go back to sleep to forget everything.

“Stef told us that you`ll be staying for a few more days. And, uh, I totally get if you want to be on your own, you must feel terrible. But, we, there`s _Holes_ on TV and Lena made popcorn and we have chips and stuff, so if you want to join us…”

Ian is pretty sure he won`t be able to go back to sleep so why not?

“It`s sort of a tradition, we watch a movie every Friday to celebrate the end of the week. It`s nice,” Brandon tells him as they head down stairs.

Stef and Lena both look delighted when he enters the living room, seems like they didn`t think he would join them.

Stef didn`t say much on the drive back from the court house but she made clear that he could talk to her anytime and that she wouldn`t mind if all he did was complaining how shitty the situation was. (She didn`t say shitty, though.) Neither of them asks him anything when he sits down next to Jude. They give him space and he couldn`t be more grateful.

“Have you seen _Holes_ before?” Mariana asks him.

When Ian shakes his head, she gives him a brief summary of what to expect and then the film starts.

Ian tries to focus on the storyline, but the whole juvenile camp detention camp thing makes him think of Carl and he wonders if Fiona or Lip told him what happened. And then he thinks about the times Mickey went to prison. About that time he broke parole just to avoid Frank. His mind wanders to Terry and eventually he asks himself if he ever told Mickey that what he did was fucking brave. He`s pretty sure he didn`t. He`s pretty sure all he ever did was kidnapping Yev and being a fucking zombie and – why, exactly didn`t Mickey break up with him? He is a total mess, a mess for a fucking lifetime. That`s not what Mickey deserved.

In the middle of the movie Ian gets up into the kitchen to call him.

“I`m so sorry.”

“What the fuck, Ian?”

“I`m sorry that you have to worry about me all the time. I`m sorry that you- that – that-“

That`s all he can manage before he starts sobbing and while he`s sobbing he asks himself what the hell is happening. He can`t remember when the last time was that he cried so hard. Not just a few tears like a few days ago in Brandon`s room but a full breakdown.

“Hey … breathe. I`m coming over, all right? And then – I still don`t know what you`re talking about but we`ll figure it out, okay? Just … deep breaths.”

Ian hears a car door slam while Mickey mutters uncoherent stuff that`s probably supposed to soothe him. He doesn`t know how long it`ll take Mickey to drive here but it doesn`t matter.

“Oh. Sorry. I didn`t know that – “

Ian looks up and Jesus is standing in front of him.

“I just wanted to get something to drink. Should I get someone?”

Ian shakes his head still clutching his phone to his ear. But Jesus leaves without getting a drink and comes back with Lena a few seconds later.

She sits down opposite of him.

“Is there something you need right now Ian? A glass of water? Maybe some tea?”

He doesn`t answer, shaken by sobs. How could he end up here? How did that happen? How could he do this to Debbie and Liam?

“Is it okay if I stay here with you?”

Still, no answer. Ian jumps when the doorbell rings.

“I`m here. It`s okay. I`m here.”

And there`s Mickey, there`s his unique scent, there`s the person that equals home.

Ian wants to hide in his embrace forever.

“Can we get some fucking privacy here”, he hears Mickey scowl.

They retreat to the sofa in the back of the kitchen and Ian gets a glimpse of Lena, who is still sitting at the table. Apparently the no unsupervised visit rules applies even when he has a breakdown.

“You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on now?” Mickey waits to ask until Ian isn`t shaking anymore.

“Why do you stay? It`s not like you owe me anything. I keep fucking up and you don`t leave and I don`t get why.”

“What`s that supposed to mean? Do you want me to leave?”

“No! It`s just – I`m a mess.”

“So what? Did you leave when I went to jail?”

“No, but this is different.”

“Yeah, because I could have prevented that. But I didn`t. And you stayed anyway. Now it`s my turn to stay  no matter what.”

“But it`s not like that. It`s not just a few months of being locked away. It`s a lifetime of I don`t even know what.”

“Then let`s find out together. I won`t leave, Gallagher. Because after you joined the army – these months were the worst of my life. I won`t go through this again if I can prevent it.”

Mickey wipes Ian`s tears away and gives him a hint of a smile.

“We`re in this together, all right?”

They hold each other in silence for a while.

“This whole DCFS mess is my fault.”

Mickey scoffs.

“Come on Ian you know that`s not true. None of this is your fault.”

Ian hasn`t the energy to protest so he just kisses his boyfriend. Soft and gentle and for the first time since DFCS showed up at the Gallgher`s doorstep.

Ian doesn`t let go of his hand until they reach the front door, when Lena asks Mickey to leave a few minutes later.

“I love you, Ian Gallagher. Even if you`re a fuck up.”

Ian kisses his smile and doesn`t close the door until the car is out of sight. It`s the first time he doesn`t feel completely awful since their night on the baseball field.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for comments and kudos! You`re the best!

On the next day Ian gets a text from Lip.

_On my way to visit you. Bringing Mickey with me._

He wonders what they talk about on the drive. It`s not like they get along that well. It`s more like a truce for Ian`s sake.

Lena and Brandon are in the back yard, planting some flowers or something. Mariana and Callie aren`t home and Jude and Jesus are sitting in the living room, playing a videogame. Ian heads out into the back yard to tell Lena that he`s expecting a visit.

“Your brother already called. They will be staying for lunch.”

That`s gonna be … interesting.

Lena takes her gardening gloves off and wipes her forehead with the back of her hand.

“Are you feeling better?”

They hadn`t talked about his breakdown yet and Ian isn`t quite sure if there`s going to be an official conversation about it. Brandon told him that they checked on them every other hour last night but Ian didn`t notice it.

“Yeah. It was just a bit much yesterday.”

And he does feel better. He feels somewhat okay despite everything. Less zombie-like.

They hear the doorbell ring and Ian isn`t sure whether he should be delighted to see two of his favourite humans in the world or worried because they`re staying for lunch, which could end in an awkward silence or Mickey talking about god-knows-what. Ian wants him to make a good impression, not just because Lena and Stef have a say in the jurisdictional hearing.

“Fiona is visiting Debbie and Liam right now. She said that she`ll see at work on Monday, so I`m on visiting-duty for you today,” Lip smiles at him, after giving him a brief hug.

Lena shakes his hand, and then she approaches Mickey, who looks like a displaced item at a décor store.

“We didn`t really have the chance to get to know each other yet. I`m Lena and me and my wife Stef are running this group home.”

Mickey shakes her hand without really looking at her and mumbles:

“Mickey. Boyfriend.”

Ian`s heart jumps. It sounds so unfamiliar.

“You can make yourself comfortable at the table in the yard. I`m going to join you with some lemonade in a minute. Stef and the girls will be back from grocery shopping shortly and I think lunch will be ready in about half an hour.”

“Looks nice, Ian. Hit the jackpot, huh?”

Ian doesn`t know how to react to that, so he just shrugs. Lip keeps asking questions about the group home and when Lena joins them Ian lets her talk. Instead of listening to their half-interrogation he musters Mickey, who`s sitting next to him. His boyfriend`s face is blank and he looks like he`s angry but Ian knows that that`s just the way Mickey looks like when he feels uncomfortable. He didn`t waste a thought about any of this yesterday but now he wonders if Mickey`s ever been in foster care. For most people on the Southside  DCFS is the arch-enemy, the children-thief who must be avoided under any circumstances. Ian knows how terrible foster care can be, he`s been placed in different families, the level 15 group home a few years ago being the worst experience he`s ever had. This house and Lena`s warm welcome, the nice garden and the sweet lemonade isn`t the norm. Not at all. That`s not something people think of when they hear foster care or group home.

“You all right?” Ian asks him quietly.

Mickey clears his throat and nods. Then he laughs.

“Should be the other way round. _You_ all right?”

They texted this morning, Mickey sort-of panicking because Ian didn`t answer the texts he sent after he left the night before. But it turned out that there was a rule regarding phones: They had to stay downstairs after light-out. So Ian had already assured Mickey that he felt better and now he isn`t sure if Mickey`s talking about his overall wellbeing or the situation. But they hear the front door slam and Stef approach before he can figure any of it out.

Then the usual greeting stuff happens and Stef and Lena switch places: Lena disappears into the kitchen to prepare lunch with the help of Mariana and Jude, while Stef sits down and fills a glass of lemonade.

“So, Lip are you in college? Ian hasn`t talked much about you. Which is totally fine, of course.” 

“Yes. University of Chicago, majoring in robotic engineering.”

“Oh, wow. That sounds interesting. Do you like it?”

Ian shuts off. He gets it. While he was enlisted in the army, stealing a helicopter and destroying his future, Lip became the pride of the Gallagher family. Not only the only one with a High school diploma but also the first to attend college. Hip-hip-hooray!

Lip doesn`t stop talking about his major at lunch, mostly because Mariana is literally hanging on his every word.

They are half way through their mashed potatoes when the attention shifts towards Mickey. Ian and him exchange glances. Which part is he going to tell them? Pimp, drug-dealer or just high school drop-out? It shouldn`t shock them, not even bother them or influence Lena and Stef`s judgement. And it`s not like Ian is ashamed of him. It`s just that after Lip`s part Mickey can only look like the typical south side loser. He can`t win in this – not there`s anything to be won.

Mickey swallows and clears his throat.

“I worked as security for a while,” he winks at Ian, “furniture mover … A lot of jobs over the past years. Got a son to support.”

Lip and Ian both look astounded at Mickey, while the others start to bomb him with questions about Yevgeny.

* * *

 

 

“I didn`t know that you have a picture of Yev on your phone,” Ian admits after lunch, when they are on their own, but in sight for Stef and Lena, in the hallway, about to say good-bye.

“It`s not the little fucker`s fault that -,” Mickey pauses and takes a deep breath, “that his mother is a fucking whore. And a part of me, a very little one though, wants him to have a relationship to his – his – other DN-whatever half and stuff.”

“Does Svetlana still let you see him, after I took him?”

“Sometimes. Don`t – Just – It was the safest way to avoid telling them I`m a thug, all right? Bet that wouldn`t look on the whole safe environment stuff. Wouldn`t have looked good after Mr. smartasses fucking power point presentation.”

“That`s my brother you`re talking about,” Ian punches Mickey`s shoulder.

“Oh come on, Ian. I saw the look on your face while he was talking. You couldn`t stand it either.”

Ian grins. Mickey`s suddenly serious again and pulls him closer.

“I missed your smile so much. Haven`t seen that in a while.”

“Yeah. I missed it, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea that sparked this whole thing off was a scene in my head where Jesus and Ian talked. I think they are in a somewhat similiar situation, they both have to reorganise their live and deal with unexpected ... stuff.  
> The last The Fosters episode I`ve seen is 5x13, "Line in the sand", therefore I based Jesus`thoughts on that. Enjoy!

The fact that Lip`s future seems bright in contrast to Ian`s is still on his mind when Stef asks him to join group therapy at Sunday afternoon.

“Since you`ll be staying a bit longer it`s better for the group dynamic if you aren`t left out. You don`t have to say a word if you don`t feel like it. No pressure whatsoever.”

The group therapy is led by a psychologist named Mr. Johnson who looks like he`s fresh out of grad school. None of the other ones look especially pleased to be sitting in the living room on this sunny afternoon, but when Mr. Johnson asks if anyone has a matter on their mind it doesn`t take long until Brandon starts talking.

“It`s only a few weeks until graduation. Then summer break. And then college. And the thought alone sends me down a spiral of anxiety. I got an acceptance letter from the New England conservatory in Boston, which is great and I`m excited. But I`m also terrified, because I`ll be living on my own for the first time and what if my depression hits and I just _starve_ to death because I can`t leave my room, or what if I fail all my classes, or what if-“

“And it`s like, miles away,” Mariana adds.

So they talk and try to give Brandon advice and from there they talk about Callie`s struggle to decide where she should apply for college and that she isn`t sure if she could apply for art or social work. Ian listens to them and he can`t help but feel a sting of envy about their college plans. He never thought about college. It was always West Point and from there on, who knows. He never had to think about these things because it was set in stone since he joined JROTC.

And now he`s sitting here, after attending two years of high school, without a GED or as much as an idea about what he wants to do with his life. Not that he had given much thought to it in the last couple of months. He was okay with dancing at the club, it was good money and then it was Fiona who gave him the job at the diner. Part of him is convinced that he wouldn`t get through two more years of high school or that he could be stable enough to study for a GED and then to get a job that was fun.

But there`s another part, a newer one, that remembers Lena saying that the meds could stabilize him. That he could get a job. Monica never had a normal job in her entire life, at least as far as Ian can remember.

“I`m pretty glad if I manage to get my diploma. I never thought much about college. Before the accident it just seemed to be so far away and now it feels like to much to think about. Part of me still wants to work construction. But I don`t know. The only thing I was ever good at was wrestling and I can`t do this anymore. It`s just so much to figure out now. So much stuff that has to be reconsidered. And thinking about college is pretty naïve when I`m not even sure if I`m going to finish high school.”

One thing Ian has already noticed is that Jesus seems to trip over his own words. It`s like his thoughts are faster than his tongue, so his speech gets a bit slurred in the end. His words resonate so much with the stuff he just thought about that he doesn`t hesitate to join the conversation:

“But it`s hard. It`s so hard when everyone around you makes these great leaps and treats you like it`s a big achievement that you`re breathing when you had these plans once. These dreams for your future are suddenly crushed. Suddenly everything everyone sees is that you`re bipolar, and that you`re probably end up like your mom who abandoned you and your siblings and no one leaves you space and time to figure it out on your own. They have their own image of how you should be and how you should act and there`s no space anymore to just breathe. It`s like they just wait for the next time I fuck up. They don`t see me anymore. Just this label.”

For a moment, there`s silence and Ian`s already starting to regret his burst-out. But then Jesus nods.

“Exactly. Yeah man. Finally someone gets it.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Stef and Lena fostered a guy who was bipolar once before,” Jesus tells Ian after dinner, when it`s their turn to clean up everything, “Evan. Pretty nice guy. He loved to play guitar, so he bonded real quick with Brandon. He was diagnosed a year before he got placed here, with sixteen. His mom pretty much abandoned him, just left with her boyfriend. He had to have his meds readjusted and slept a lot for the first few days he was here, but other than that he was fine. Not much of a fuck-up. Just okay.”

Ian wonders if Jesus expects him to answer to his monologue. If he does – what`s he supposed to say? _Thank you for sharing?_

“It must have been pretty hard after the accident,” he says instead, “With all these expectations and stuff.”

“There weren`t so many expectations, really. I`m just a really impatient person. I just wanted to be fixed, like, yesterday. But when I relearned to walk and everything – Eventually there were no more injuries to see, they all seemed to be gone. And it felt like everyone expected that things would be normal. That is the hardest part, because – I`m still not able to do everything I was able to do before it happened and it sucks and we had to talk a lot about it. About what I felt like I could do or what felt like it was too much. And it`s super annoying if you have to talk about stuff like this, but in the end it helped.”

The doorbell rings and a girl with brown hair walks into the kitchen. She has to be around Jesus` and Mariana`s age and Jesus beams when she sees hair.

“I didn`t know you were coming by!”

“I`m working on a project with Mariana but I wanted to say hi first.”

She approaches him and places a kiss on his cheek, before turning to Ian.

Jesus introduces him.

“That`s Ian, the new guy I told you about.”

“Hi! I`m Emma, Jesus` girlfriend,” she shakes his hand and heads back to the stairs, “I better get upstairs. Mariana`s waiting.”

Jesus looks after her and then grins at Ian:

“She helped a lot with everything, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the number of total chapters.  
> This whole fanfiction was more a experiment to prove to myself that I can write in english without a beta-reader and it was totally unplanned, therefore without a huge plot. So yeah. Here`s to another three chapters. :)


	7. Chapter 7

“Your next appointment is on May 31th, four p.m. See you then,” the nurse hands Ian a card where she crossed Thursday and scribbled down the date. He mumbles a good-bye and heads out of the mental health centre.

Lena is waiting for him in the parking lot. He went to his appointment straight after work and told Stef and Lena he could take the L afterwards, but Lena insisted on picking him up.

“How did it go?” she asks without wasting anytime on small talk.

Ian fastens his seat belt before replying:

“Blood work is fine.”

That`s all he says and luckily Lena doesn`t push him. It`s not the fact that the doctor increased his lithium dosage to _get the best results_. That`s … whatever. He just hopes that doesn`t mean another week of pure being half-death and feeling nothing. He rotates the card between his fingers. May 31th. That`s in about two weeks and the doctor made it clear that she wants to see him bi-weekly, at least until his medication is adjusted properly. That`s at least half an hour sitting there and talking about his life to a stranger – every two weeks. It`s not like the meds aren`t enough of a reminder of _everything_ and the side-effects and god-knows-what. It`s wasting time in a mental health centre while everyone else is just living their life without this major change. That`s not _just take the meds and you`ll be fine_. Who does define what fine means, anyway? If fine just means that he won`t lay in bed for days but still is going to feel sleepy all day and won`t get through a day of working without feeling like all the energy has been drained from him then what´s the point? Sure, he`s glad that he isn`t convinced that the military police is marching up the street to get him, but what`s so wrong with having a bit more energy? With just having to sleep two hours a night and feeling fine anyway?

This feeling of - Ian doesn`t even know what exactly he`s feeling, it`s a mixture of anger and despair and sadness and something he can`t identify – doesn`t just magically disappear. He tries to bottle it up, does barely speak to anyone as soon as they reach the house and heads straight to his bedroom.

 

It`s Stef who asks him to sit down with them before diner. They sit in the living room, Stef and Lena opposite of him.

“How did your appointment at the centre go? Lena told me that you haven`t said much about it.”

He has to choices: Brush it off and tell them everything`s fine or actually tell them that he`s just so mad at the universe for giving him these genes. He could actually confide in them and let them do their job but that would also mean that he`s got to trust them. But how can he trust someone in the foster care system, the arch-enemy?

“What does fine mean?”

Stef blinks at him in confusion, so he adds:

“Everyone says that I`m going to be fine if I take the meds. But what does fine mean? I`m not sure that I want to live by another person`s definition of it.”

“You decide what it means for you and your life. If you don`t feel fine then you have to tell your doctor and you`ll work together to change it.”

“But I – I don`t.” He doesn`t even know what he wants to say.

He does know that he misses home. Like hell. That Fiona would have an answer to that, hopefully more than `just fucking take them`.

“I don`t know what fine means. Not anymore.”

“You`ve got time to figure it out, you know. You just have to allow yourself to take this time.”

Ian stares at the table between them trying to process any of it. After a few minutes of silence he asks:

“Can I go home, please? Just for a few hours. But I need – I need to go home.”

 

On the same evening he calls Lip. He would never say it to his face, but he misses his older brother. It´s not the same with him being away at college. They shared a room since forever and then Ian went away and when he came back Lip was gone. Made surprise visits every now and then but they didn`t see each other as often as before and neither of them are great at talking on the phone. But calling is the only option Ian has right now.

Lip picks up after a few seconds and Ian tells him about the things that have been on his mind since the appointment.

“There is no finish line, you know? It`s just going to go on like this for decades.”

“So let me get this straight. You would rather have the potential of fucking up your life looming over you than take some meds, which are not as awful as they first seemed to be. Did I get that right?”

“But my life is already fucked up. There`s not much left.”

“You serious right now? There`s plenty left. You could still get your GED and do something. And you have us and Mickey and that seems like a lot to me. You still got a chance. You`re acting like your life is over.”

“But what if it is,” Ian yells into his phone, tears stinging at the edges of his eyes.

“You`re not even eighteen Ian! I get that it might feel like it but it`s bullshit! Bipolar doesn`t equal failure. Just because Monica failed in so many ways that doesn`t mean that you`re going to fail, too. But it`s your choice, in the end.”

It always comes down to the same: Does he want to follow into Monica`s footsteps or not? And the answer to that is not that hard.

“But why is everyone acting like it does equal failure? Like I`m a child that can`t be left alone?”

“Damn it Ian. We`re all just trying to give our best. We`re all making this up as we go.”

“Yeah, me too. But everyone`s like I have to have it already figured out.”

“No one is saying that.”

“But it feels like it!”

He hears Lip sigh.

“Sorry to hear that. I`ll try and do better, all right?”

“Yeah. Me too.”

* * *

 

 

Fiona took the afternoon of and they go running together the next day. Ian is awfully out of shape but it feels good to feel the asphalt under his feet, to hear the rhythmic sound of it. It`s also a nice way to spend time with Fiona without having to talk too much. 

“Sounds silly but I really miss you having around. It`s just been a week, but still.”

Fiona`s out of breath when they reach the gate in front of their house.

“Sorry that I haven`t visited. I just figured that Debbie and Liam-“

“Don`t worry about that. I`m fine on my own. No need to hold my hand.”

Fiona smiles at him and walks up the stairs to the front door.

“Hey, I`ve been thinking,” Ian starts as they go into the kitchen and Fiona hands him a bottle of water, “I think I want to get my GED. No offense, but being a dish washer isn`t that fulfilling.”

“Why would I take offense?” Fiona laughs. “That`s a great idea! I could get some material from the library-“

“No, I need to do this on my own. Thank you, though.”

Fiona looks at him with this loving gaze he knows so well and a moment later he finds himself in a hug.

“I`m proud of you. And I`m really sorry about all this – mess. But I`m doing my best. You will be able to come home, soon. I promise. Do you know what you want to do after?”

“Easy. One step at a time, all right?”

“Sure. Sorry.”

“You lost your fucking phone or what?”

Ian spins around to see Mickey coming in through the back door, not looking amused.

“Been calling you for hours, trying to figure out when you gonna be here. Here you are!”

“Sorry. We went for a run and I left my phone at the house.”

 “Yeah you better be sorry,” Mickey growls before kissing him.

Ian grins:

“Can I make it up to you somehow?”

“Don`t know. Can you?”

He mouths a _Sorry_ towards Fiona before Mickey and him make their way upstairs.


	8. Chapter 8

The jurisdictional hearing gets scheduled for Wednesday, one p.m. Ian doesn`t go to Patsies in the morning. He stays at the group home on his own. Lena is going to pick him up at noon but there is one hour left until then. Trying to distract himself he wanders through the living room, looking at the pictures on the wall.

The oldest one he can find is one of Mariana and Jesus, both eating ice cream. They can`t be older than twelve and Ian wonders what got them placed into this home. He knows that Mariana has PTSD, he knows a lot about all of them by now. It`s only been two weeks in total but it feels like they bonded nonetheless.

Even if they aren`t a family by blood Ian can tell that they love each other. In the two weeks he`s been here there have been fights and movie nights and laughter and shouting at each other for messing up the bathroom order. That`s stuff he knows from his own home. None of them seems like they would rather live with their birth families. They know that they have better chances living with Lena and Stef. They don`t have to worry about money or keeping the house or their parents, like Ian always had to. There are no irresponsible adults in their everyday life and that`s one of the biggest differences: They live in a safe and stable environment. Ian knows what it`s like to be loved. He has been loved since he was born, though not by the people one would expect to. But he doesn`t know what it`s like to have stability.

And while he`s looking at a group photo he can`t help but wonder: What if DCFS had interfered earlier and they hadn`t been always placed at hell holes. What if Fiona would have been able to live her own life without raising her siblings? What if there had been a choice in all of this? But that would also have meant growing up without his siblings because there`s no way a foster family would take all five of them. And that`s the point: No matter how often he wished he`d born into a family where Frank doesn`t exist he wouldn`t trade living with his siblings for any of it. Because they are his family. And they are the most important thing in his life and having them makes anything else endurable.

* * *

  
  
Everyone is fucking nervous. Pacing around, wringing their hands, wearing the nicest clothes they own. Ian keeps looking at the main entrance, Mickey hasn`t showed up yet. He isn`t the only one Ian expected to be here. Sammi hasn`t been seen either – but it`s not like that`s a bad thing.

“They can`t do this. I`ve been taking classes. These educational groups. About teenagers and mental health and shit. That has to be enough,” Fiona mutters to herself, while Vi pats her back.

“Next case: Gallagher.”

* * *

 

 

Ian tries to call Mickey for the third time when he finally picks up.

“Why the hell weren`t you at the court house?”

 “Been busy. How did it go?”

Ian exhales. It doesn`t feel real.

“We won. I`m home. Can you come over? We need to talk.”

“Am I in trouble or something?”

“Just get your ass over here.”

Ian waits for him sitting on the front steps, smoking. The rest of the Gallaghers is in the backyard, celebrating and playing in the pool.

“So what`s up?”

Mickey shows up five minutes later.

“I had some time to think, while being away. And,” shit this is hard. Why is talking about feelings so hard? “I get that you care about me. And that you`re scared. I`m scared, too. But – even after I told her not to, Fiona`s going to nag about the meds and shit. I get that she`s just trying. That`s okay. What I`m trying to say is … I need you to still be my boyfriend. Not my nurse. Not my therapist. Just Mickey. Just the guy that knows more swear words than food brands. I need you to accept me. I need you to stop trying to fix me. I`m taking my meds. I`m doing my best. But I`m not just the bipolar kid. I`m still me.”

Mickey looks at him, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, brows furrowed.

“Okay. Done.”

“And please stop looking at me like I`m a fucking porcelain doll that`s gonna break any minute. We`re gonna need some time to figure this shit out but we can do it, right?”

Mickey sighs and pulls him of the stairs.

“Sure we can. You done with your monologue now?”

Ian shrugs.

“I guess.”

“You gotta stop talking so much Gallagher. There are way better things you can do with your mouth.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Was staying at my dad`s and didn`t bring my laptop...

Mickey looks at him like he`s totally lost his mind, this time for good.

“I still don`t get why you`re doing this.”

Ian rolls his eyes.

“I never said a proper good-bye. And that`s the least they deserve. They`ve been really nice.”

He unbuckles his belt and opens the car door.

“Whatever. I`m gonna wait here. Don`t take too long, I`ve got shit to do.”

“Thanks for driving me,” Ian leans over to kiss him before getting out of the shitty Milkovich-family car.

It`s Saturday afternoon so he hopes that they all are home. Maybe Mariana is at derby-practice but he didn`t want to call first. It`s supposed to be a surprise. Ian shifts the pie Fiona gave him from one hand to the other before he rings the bell.

Callie opens the door. At first Ian thinks that she doesn`t recognise him but then she smiles and pulls him into an awkward hug.

 “Hi. I`ve brought pie.”

Duh. Would have been hard to guess that he isn`t carrying a TV or something.

“Cool. Uh – Lena and Stef are in the kitchen.”

She lets him into the house and he walks into the kitchen, where Lena and Stef are sitting at the table working through bills or some other paper work.

“Ian! It`s so nice to see you!”

“I haven`t had the chance to say good-bye to all of you, since nobody else was home when I got my stuff. That`s why I thought,” he shrugs and suddenly feels silly. He lifts the pie awkwardly as an explanation.

“That`s so nice of you! Sit down I`ll get some plates. Honey, call the kids.”

Lena gets up and shuffles through the kitchen cabinet.

“I can`t stay long. I just wanted – Mickey`s waiting in the car.”

“Then go get him! We`re not eating this without you.”

 

Mickey could be more grateful for the invitation but Ian decides not to mind it. When they come back into the kitchen everyone is sitting there, pie already on their plates.

So this it, Ian thinks to himself, I should thank them now and leave. It kind of feels like a fever dream, the last two weeks. Kev told them that Sammi got caught with lots of drugs and probably won`t show up again within the next months. He really hopes that he`ll never see her again. She could have destroyed their family. Could have. Didn`t.

“You probably don`t hear this often, but it could have been so much worse. And I`d like to thank you for that. You tried your best,” Ian smiles at Lena and Stef, “while I was here. Yeah. Whatever. Thanks.”

He swallows the last crumbs and gets up, ready to leave.

“You don`t have to say good-bye, you know. You can still visit,” Brandon says.

_Brb just gonna visit my former group home – where I lived two weeks._

That sounds SO weird. Not a thing a Gallagher would do.

“Oh. Yeah. Maybe I will.”

Lena and Stef ask him if he`s okay with a hug and he says yes. At the door Jesus catches up with him. He hands him a piece of paper, where he scribbled an email address.

“If you wanna vent. Or catch up or something.”

Ian nods. “Thanks.”

“You okay?” Mickey looks at him with a worried glance when they are back in the car.

“I don`t know. I just keep wondering if I`d be better off here.”

“What?!”

“I could go to school without having to worry about money all the time. I could – Forget it. It was just a weird parallel universe where you don`t have to grow up with like ten.”

“You know you`d die without the drama. We both know that. You need that shit like air to breathe.”

Ian actually chuckles.

“You`re right. It`s just – a bit more stability wouldn`t hurt.”

“I guess we can work on that. Morning routines and shit. How about we start with you blowing me every morning?”

Ian smacks his head and leans in for a kiss at the same time. Mickey just grins.

 

* * *

 

There`s a lot of screaming. Debbie and Liam are delivering a chicken fight and half of the water has been splashed out of the pool already – or so it seems.

“You gonna come in or what?” Lip yells at him with Liam on his shoulders.

“Gimme a sec.”

Ian and Mickey are sitting on the steps, sharing a cigarette. It`s Sunday evening, he`s been home for almost three weeks. His GED course starts tomorrow and he`s a bit nervous.

“I really don`t get why people enjoy swimming. It`s so lame,” Mickey mutters as Kev and Vi join the pool party.

“Hey, uh, I have another shrink appointment next week. You wanna come with me?” Ian stares intensely at his feet. The doctor suggested that he should bring his significant other to help them cope and shit. If she calls Mickey _significant other_ to his face, the guy`s probably gonna trash the place.

“If you want me to.”

“Wouldn`t ask otherwise, dumbass.”

“Shut up.”

Ian cringes internally but he says nonetheless: “Make me.”

“Really Gallagher? That`s disgusting.”

No one could have said how exactly it happened afterwards, but seconds later Mickey is in the pool, his clothes soaking wet. He cusses for a solid minute while Ian climbs into the pool. Mickey jumps on his back attempting to drown him.

 When Mickey kisses him a few minutes later, the voices of the rest fading in the background Ian notices a feeling he thought he`d never feel again. He knows it won`t last long so he enjoys it.

For this split second, maybe the rest of the evening: He`s happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support. I hope you enjoyed the story.  
> I had so much fun writing it and your feedback means the world.


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